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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26672449">Return to Camelot</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adolescentcatlady/pseuds/Adolescentcatlady'>Adolescentcatlady</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Merlin Genderbent AU [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, genderbent au, its happy I promise</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:21:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26672449</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adolescentcatlady/pseuds/Adolescentcatlady</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the many years of being banished from Camelot, Merlin makes her return. Will she even be allowed in? Has the ban on magic in Camelot really been lifted? </p><p>This is a continuation of my other story My Dearest Merlin</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Merlin Genderbent AU [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1940761</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>37</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>You asked, and i delivered. I hope you like it. Let me know in the comments if there's anything you'd like to see!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There it was. They had finally reached their destination. After traveling for days, they had reached Camelot. Of course, they could’ve gotten there quicker if Gwaine hadn’t insisted on slowly making their way to their destination. Merlin appreciated it in the end. She felt sick and still wasn’t even sure if she wanted to go back to Camelot. Merlin wanted to see her mother and Gaius, but she couldn’t see- </p><p>“Hey, you in there?” Gwaine kissed his wife’s cheek, drawing her out of her thoughts and back to the view before them. </p><p>She smiled softly, “I’m here, even though I’d rather not be. Are we sure my mother is even in Camelot? We could always send her a letter and meet her somewhere else.” Merlin rambled, speaking more to herself than the man next to her. </p><p>“Merlin, I love you more than anything, but,” He moved in front of her, stroking her raven hair, attempting to smooth it down even though he knew it would not stay that way, “I know you want to see you mother, and we know she’s there. We can sneak around. Besides, I’m sure the princess won’t even care.”   </p><p>Merlin nodded, taking his hand and squeezing for support and strength. She took a deep breath, her lungs filling with air she swore felt different than the air in other kingdoms. Together they walked towards the gates, hand in hand. Together is how they did everything over the past few years. </p><p>When Merlin was banished from Camelot, she had no idea where to go. Her mind was jumbled and she had too many emotions to think clearly, so she just walked and continued walking till she realized night had fallen. Her muscles were aching and her cheeks were raw from tears. She managed to find a spot that seemed suitable, even though she had nothing but what she could carry and the clothes on her back. She created a small... Camp, not that anyone would call it that. She merely found a slightly comfortable spot of ground to sleep. When she had gotten the least bit comfortable, she heard a quiet voice singing softly, accompanied by footsteps. Merlin froze in fear, she wasn’t sure if she had actually crossed the border. What if that was the knights of Camelot and they were there too- </p><p>“Merlin?” A familiar voice grabbed her attention. The familiar Irish voice. </p><p>Confusion on her face, she turned to face the man in front of her, “Gwaine?” </p><p>“It is you!” Gwaine grinned, hugging the small woman as tight as he could, “What’re you doing out here? The princess isn’t around, is she?” A teasing smile graced his face until he saw the sadness in Merlin’s. “What happened?” </p><p>Merlin looked at him, trying to figure out a way to form words to begin explaining her whole situation. She came up short, however, her eyes acted quickly as she began to cry, falling into his open arms.<br/>
Gwaine wrapped his arms around her and hadn’t let her go since. </p><p>He never truly believed in luck and certainly didn’t believe he had done anything worthy of receiving any good luck. However, he would thank any higher power he had to for bringing Merlin back to him. He would certainly deny falling in love with Merlin at first sight, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t true. She had captivated him from the beginning. Beautiful eyes, raven hair, the mysterious air about her. What wasn’t there to love. He had to get used to the idea of her having magic and being the most powerful sorceress there had ever been, practically. He loved her for every aspect of her. </p><p>Now he was by her side as she had to face her next terrifying adventure, returning to Camelot.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As they approached the gates of Camelot, Merlin couldn’t tell if the fluttering in her stomach was due to nerves or her current condition. Once Gwaine had found her again and they had rekindled their friendship, it wasn’t long before they got married, much to the disappointment of all the eligible women in their town. And of course, after marriage, children tend to naturally occur. Merlin had found out only a few weeks ago, when they had decided to go back to Camelot. She was excited to tell her mother and Gaius. Merlin didn’t have much female guidance in her life besides her mother and the short time she was the maid servant of the princess. She was desperate to get all the advice from her mother that she could. </p><p>When the couple had entered the market, it was not what either of them were expecting. Peppered between the stands selling everything from fruit to fabrics, were stands selling potion ingredients or offers of fortune reading. Merlin couldn’t help but stare, for she barely believed her eyes. </p><p>“I suppose it’s true then,” Gwaine whispered to her, eying the unusual stands himself. “At least we won’t immediately get kicked out then.” He smiled at her, another vain attempt to calm her nerves. </p><p>Merlin nodded slightly, still taking in the sights. She gazed upon the potion ingredients, remembering the days when she had to find all of them herself when Gaius didn’t have them. A bitterness rose up in her that she wasn’t expecting. Why did they get to be proud of their magic when she had to hide it? Why wasn’t she allowed to do this all those years ago when they now can? Why- </p><p>“Uh, Merlin,” a tug on her sleeve bringing her eyes back to her husband. Gwaine nodded in the direction of the far end of the market. </p><p>There stood a blonde woman, her hair cascading down her back, the light gold color standing out against the dark red of her gown. She stood with a child’s hand in her own. The little girl being much darker compared to the fair woman, however the likeness in their faces was unmistakable. </p><p>“Is that-?” Gwaine started.</p><p>“Arina.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know this is just a lil chapter, but! I hope you liked it. </p><p>how do you think it’s gonna go down when arina and merlin finally see each other again? </p><p>let me know if there’s anything you want to see!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin couldn’t help but stare, her mouth slightly open and her heartbeat in her ears. Had the princess seen them? What was she going to do? Would she be angry? Would she- </p><p>“Merlin, you can’t stare, love, or then she’ll definitely see you.” Gwaine took her hand and pulled her towards the nearest ally way, standing with his back towards the street. “You still don’t want her to know you’re here, don’t you?” </p><p>“I-,” Merlin’s mind was racing, her heart beat still loud, her thoughts were so quiet compared to it. She looked over Gwaine’s shoulder to the street, trying to catch a glimpse of her old friend. Well, not friend but acquaintance. </p><p>“Freya, darling.” Arina called to the girl she was with, holding her hand out to her. “Come on, the flowers are this way.” </p><p>Freya? Wasn’t that a druid name? Merlin had once known someone named Frey. He was her friend and slightly more than that for a moment. What an interesting name for a child. Especially for royalty. </p><p>The young girl took her mother’s hand, walking along with her happily. Merlin meant to hide her face when the pair walked directly past the ally, but she just missed her window of opportunity. Two pairs of blue eyes met. Both of which immediately recognized the other. </p><p>Arina stopped in her tracks, the young girl following her ran into her mother’s skirts and looked around in confusion. The queen could hardly believe it. That couldn’t possibly be who she thought it was. Merlin was lost, unable to be found or brought home once more. But those eyes, she’d know them anywhere. She turned down the alleyway, slowly as if she were approaching an animal she didn’t want to scare away. </p><p>“Merlin?” Arina said tentatively, she couldn’t allow herself to hope for the best and have her heart broken again when it wasn’t her. </p><p>Merlin stood frozen, glancing at Gwaine in a silent apology. “Uh, hi.” was the only thing she could think of saying back. </p><p>Tears filled Arina’s eyes. She had cried so many tears over Merlin being lost, she didn’t expect for them to appear so readily at Merlin’s return. “Oh my goodness, Merlin, my dear friend,” the blonde searched the eyes of the brunette for any emotion besides fear, but she couldn’t find any. No flicker of happiness graced the eyes of the friend she had thought lost so long ago. Without that encouragement, her tears seemed to dry up, almost immediately. Arina’s heart was once more filled with sorrow, which it had grown accustomed to. The queen cleared her throat, a wave of foolishness hitting her. “I see you’ve come to visit Camelot. To see your mother, I assume?” </p><p>Merlin nodded, the fear and surprise still holding her captive. </p><p>“You won’t find her in the village. She’s in one of the guest rooms. The best ones I could offer.” Arina smiled as she did when she had to show guests around the palace. “There’s space for you in the rooms as well. And Gwaine.” She gave him a nod and a polite smile, knowing they didn’t end on pleasant terms either. </p><p>“I remember,” Merlin started, “the guest rooms in the palace were always rather.. Big.” She finished, lamely, staring at the ground, not wanting to make anymore eye contact. </p><p>“Yes, I’m glad you remember,” Arina felt the lump in her throat grow bigger, swallowing hard in an attempt to push it down. “Welcome back to Camelot.” She rushed away from the couple, the child still behind her. </p><p>Once Gwaine and Merlin were left alone, Gwaine couldn’t help but laugh. </p><p>“That went terribly.” </p><p>Merlin groaned, leaning her head on his shoulder, wishing she could evaporate into thin air. “We never should’ve come back.” </p><p>“Oh don’t say that,” Gwaine placed a delicate kiss on the crown of her head, “At least we know where your mother is now and we don’t have to sneak around anymore.” </p><p>Merlin nodded. He was right. She could find her mother much easier now and she could possibly forget the fact that she had seen the person who caused her so much heartbreak in the past. Merlin’s hand found Gwaine’s, holding it for comfort, as well as strength. </p><p>“Come on, darling. Let’s go find your mother.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>merlin and arina finally saw each other again! but it didn’t go exactly as arina hoped. </p><p>what do you think is gonna happen next?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin followed her husband around the village she knew so well. She had been in the market so many times in her short time of living in Camelot, she was sure the shop owners could have recognized her if she had dared to look at them. Her feet found the familiar path to Gaius’s chambers. Arina hadn’t mentioned him when they spoke. The pit in Merlin’s stomach grew deeper and even more sour. She wasn’t sure what she would do if the man who had become her father was no more. </p><p>“I thought you’d want to see your mother first.” Gwaine knew Merlin was desperate to see Gaius as well, and since she was leading them in that direction, she must want to see him first. </p><p>“No,” Merlin shook her head, her curls bouncing around her face, “This first.” </p><p>The pair stopped in front of the door. Merlin stared at it, taking in every aspect of it, hardly believing she was back in that spot again. </p><p>Gwaine watched Merlin, slight concern in his gaze, but he could see the gears of her mind processing. He waited till she had come out of the haze to knock lightly on the door. </p><p>There was a slight shuffling from inside the rooms before a very familiar and very wise voice from the other side. </p><p>“Come in!” </p><p>Merlin couldn’t believe it. He was here, he was still here. But perhaps Gaius would be mad at her. She just walked out on him, she knew that but- </p><p>Gwaine opened the door, leading the way inside. “Gaius!” He called out happily, a grin on his face and obvious in his voice. </p><p>“Gwaine, my dear boy, it’s-.” Gaius stopped in his tracks when he saw the person behind the tall irishmen. A lump formed in his throat and tears found their places filling his eyes. “Merlin,” he said, almost whispering it, as if she would evaporate in front of his eyes if he spoke too loudly. </p><p>Merlin couldn’t speak, her heart was too heavy and her throat had seized up with tears. She ran to the man, wrapping her arms around him so tightly she swore she would never let go. </p><p>Gaius did the same. The pain of watching her walk out of Camelot resurfaced as he held the woman he considered to be his daughter, as tight as he could. He swore in that moment that he’d never let her go. He’d never let her walk away again. </p><p>“You’re here.” were the only words he managed to choke out as he held on to her. </p><p>Merlin couldn’t say anything. She just cried. Cried and hugged him as she wanted to the last time she saw him. </p><p>“My goodness, my girl. Did you finally grow that last few inches?” Gaius laughed, stroking Merlin’s hair gently. </p><p>“Well,” Merlin glanced at Gwaine, the mischief in her eyes, “I’ve managed to grow a few inches, but not in height I’m afraid.” As she spoke, she gently laid a hand on her stomach, stroking the spot gently. </p><p>Gaius glanced at her and then glanced at Gwaine, causing the younger man to step back a few paces. </p><p>“I swear, I married her before any of that happened. I didn’t disrespect her in any way.” Gwaine held his hands up in surrender, genuinely unsure of the outcome of his statement. </p><p>Gaius stared at him, his eyes baring a hole into Gwaine’s soul. His state continued until small chuckles escaped his lips, which turned into a loud laugh. Gaius reached Gwaine, giving him a hug as well, nearly as tight as the one he had given Merlin. </p><p>“There’s nothing to worry about, boy. I know you wouldn’t have tried anything. You’ve always loved her, haven’t you.” Gaius gave him a wink, turning back to his favorite. “Now, you must tell me everything that happened, my dear.” </p><p> </p><p>On the other side of the castle, Arina had started pacing when she and Freya had gotten back from the market and just hadn’t stopped. </p><p>“Darling, I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.” Gareth had been watching his wife for the last little while. Trying to talk her down from worrying too much. </p><p>“Of course it was that bad. She looked scared. She looked terrified. I suppose I can’t blame her. I just didn’t know how to act around her. I’ve been waiting for this moment for so long..” The sound of the queen’s heels had accompanied her worried rant. </p><p>Gareth couldn’t listen to much more of this, however. For Arina’s sake at least. He stood up, taking hold of his wife’s shoulders, forcing her eyes to meet his. His kind eyes looked into her worried ones. </p><p>“Everything will be fine. The fact that she’s back is a good sign. And simply because it isn’t how you expected it to be, doesn’t mean it won’t turn out perfect fine.” He could see his words affect Arina as he spoke them. Her shoulders relaxed, her breathing slowed.</p><p>“But, what if she doesn’t want anything to do with me?” Arina’s voice was quiet, vulnerable. Even Gareth hadn’t seen this side of her very often. Perhaps only twice since he’s known her. </p><p>“We’ll figure something out. You could always write her letters again if she leaves and we know where she goes.” Gareth stroked her hair as he spoke, continuing to try to calm her. “We can never be without hope. You taught me that.” He kissed her forehead gently, feeling her melt at his touch. </p><p>Their private moment was a short one, however, as the door was flung open and two small bodies rushed in. </p><p>“Mama, Freya keeps lying and says she’s met Merlin,” Garett whined, the pout forming on his lips. </p><p>“I’m lyin’! Me and mama saws her.” Freya followed close behind her brother, attempting to clear her good name. </p><p>Arina kneeled down to face her children, a practice she had started when they were young in an attempt to prove she’d always treat them with respect and speak to them face to face. </p><p>“She’s not lying I’m afraid, Garett. Freya and I did see Merlin in the market.” </p><p>Garett’s jaw dropped and Freya beamed, a quiet little “See.” coming from her direction. But Garett didn’t care. </p><p>“Merlin’s here?? I wanna see her!” </p><p>Fear gripped Arina’s heart, she wasn’t sure if she could face her again. But her mind went blank for any excuse for her children not to see her. </p><p>“I’m sure we could arrange that, my darling.” </p><p>“Yes!” Garett jumped up in the air to convey his excitement, “I get to see Merlin!” </p><p>“Well, I alreadys saw Merlin..” Freya said, trying to seem superior to her older brother, but he didn’t care. His excitement was far too great. </p><p>“I suppose they’ll be meeting Merlin..” Arina whispered to Gareth. </p><p>“Good. They should meet the woman who you’ve been telling them about for nearly all their lives.” Gareth was teasing, even if it was true. The children do know far too much about Merlin, simply from Arina’s stories. </p><p>Arina had added another uncertainty to her life however, as she had no idea how it was going to go. She could only hope it was better than their interaction in the village. Anything was better than that.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>merlin found gaius! yay! </p><p>plus we got a little look at arina and gareth’s little family! </p><p>will merlin and arina finally have a real conversation with each other? we’ll see!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin and Gwaine had practically spent the entire afternoon with Gaius, telling him about every aspect of their lives since Merlin had left. The beaming smile on Gaius’s face never left as he listened to them. He had told them where Merlin’s mother was staying in the palace and sent the couple on their way. </p><p>Merlin could feel her excitement throughout her entire body, from her fingers to her toes she could feel her nerves buzzing as they reached the door. </p><p>“Ready?” Gwaine said, a soft smile on his face. </p><p>Merlin stared at the door, taking a deep breath and nodding. </p><p>Gwaine knocked on the door, taking his wife’s hand once he had. Merlin squeezed his hand, hoping to transfer some of her nerves to him. </p><p>The door opened and the face Merlin had so longed to see appeared as the door drew back. </p><p>“Mother.” Merlin grinned, tears forming in her eyes. </p><p>Hunith looked confused for a second, her face lighting up with realization. “Merlin?? Oh my darling!” She drew Merlin to her and hugged her as tight as she possibly could. Merlin melted into the hug and her tears began to flow freely. </p><p>“You’re here.” Hunith beamed at her daughter, kissing her forehead. </p><p>Merlin nodded, the rivers on her cheeks prominent. “Yes, I’m here.” Her voice was thick, the emotions she felt heightened by her current physical condition. </p><p>“I never thought I’d see you here. I’m so glad of it. Oh, please, come in.” Hunith took Merlin’s hand, leading her into the room. </p><p>Gwaine followed the pair happily, gently wiping his eyes. Merlin’s emotion had overflowed to him, they were connected in that way. </p><p>“Oh my dear, it’s lovely to see you. The queen and I were worried you’d never make it back.” </p><p>Merlin stiffened slightly at the mention of Arina, the dread from their last encounter hadn’t quite left her system. </p><p>“Why were you talking to the queen about me?” Merlin questioned as she sat across from her mother, the bitterness evident in her voice. </p><p>“Oh, that’s all we seem to talk about. You or her little ones. She was far more worried than I was. But I assured her you’d be back and here you are.” Hunith smiled happily, reaching to squeeze her daughter’s hand. </p><p>Merlin felt the bitterness inside her grow stronger. She didn’t like Arina talking to her mother about her. Hunith was her mother, Arina wasn’t entitled to speak to her regarding Merlin’s actions. </p><p>“Now, who’s your fine traveling companion?” Hunith asked, her eyebrow raised knowingly, as if she already knew who this man must be, she just wanted further explanation. </p><p>Gwaine felt his cheeks go red and his mouth go dry. He had never been good with meeting parents. In every town he went to, girls were told by their fathers to stay away from him. He knew how important Merlin’s mother was to her and he didn’t want to ruin that for her. For the first time during this trip, he had adopted his wife’s nerves. </p><p>“Oh, this is my husband, Gwaine.” Merlin smiled happily, apparently not feeling the same fear as the man sitting next to her. “I meant to tell you sooner, we just didn’t really tell anyone.” </p><p>“Darling, that’s lovely.”  Hunith smiled happily, “It’s very nice to meet you, Gwaine.” </p><p>Gwaine cleared his throat quickly, trying to wipe any appearance of surprise off his face. “It’s nice to meet you as well. Merlin talks about you a lot.” </p><p>Hunith laughed, the sound identical to her daughter’s own laugh. “I should hope so.” </p><p>Merlin was drawn into the conversation between her husband and mother, until a small knock came from the door.  </p><p>“Oh Merlin, love, could get that? It must be the tea I called for.” </p><p>Merlin nodded, rising from her chair and going to the door. The sensation of having to open a door for a servant was unfamiliar to her, although she knew the feeling of standing on the other side of the door extremely well. </p><p>However, when she opened the door, it wasn’t the servant. It was the queen. The queen and two children. Merlin grew pale, the feeling of fear settling around her once again. The two children ran past her as soon as the door was opened, running to Hunith’s side, where they were happily greeted by the older woman. Arina, however, was just as frozen by fear as Merlin was. </p><p>They both stared at each other, Merlin coming to her senses first. She opened the door further, stepping out of the way for Arina to walk in. “Your majesty.” Merlin muttered, the bitterness once again obvious in her voice. </p><p>Arina quickly walked over the threshold of the room, attempting to get away from Merlin as quickly as possible. She could tell that Merlin’s attitude had changed since they last saw each other in the market. The fear Merlin seemed to feel then had switched to anger. The sadness Arina had been feeling grew stronger and her heart was just as heavy as when Merlin was lost. </p><p>Merlin quietly slammed the door, not ready to give away her full emotional position right away. She returned to her chair, watching Hunith happily talk to children she wasn’t even related to. Once she sat down, she couldn’t stop her ankle from bouncing. Gwaine quickly noticed his wife’s distress, taking her hand in his and squeezing it gently, in an attempt to ground her. </p><p>Merlin’s mind was far away when she heard a soft little “Excuse me?” from her left. She turned and faced the little girl she had seen earlier. </p><p>“Yes?” Merlin said, her angry spirit softening. </p><p>“My name is Freya.” Freya smiled at her, giving her a curtsey. “My mama say you Merlin.” </p><p>A look of surprise flashed across her face, “You know who I am?” </p><p>Freya nodded, the dark tight curls on her head bouncing slightly. “Mama talk about you lots and lots and lots. She always say you gots magic and dat yous lost and she gonna find you. I gots magic too, just like you.” </p><p>Merlin let the words wash over her, tears filling her eyes. </p><p>“And- and mama says she luh you. Not like she luh me or Gare or daddy. She say it spetcial.” Freya continued her little monologue, stepping closer to Merlin, gently touching the fabric of her sleeve. </p><p>A tear dropped from Merlin’s eyes. She wasn’t even sure what to do with this new information. She didn’t even know if it was accurate, she wasn’t sure exactly how trustworthy two year olds were. </p><p>“You sad?” Freya looked concerned at her new friend. Her likeness to her father showed in that moment, Merlin smiled at the resemblance. </p><p>“Oh no, no I’m alright, Freya.” Merlin turned to face her properly. “Your name is very pretty.” </p><p>Freya beamed at the complement. “Mama named me atter a sorcerer and you. Priness Freya Emrys Pendragon.” The young girl recited her name, the practice that went into learning it obvious. </p><p>Merlin was once again not sure what to do with the information she was given. She swore Arina hated her when she had left, but then she had named her daughter after her? Her emotions were so strong and everything was so confusing.  </p><p>Freya’s babbling continued while Merlin was once again lost in her thoughts. Meanwhile, Gwaine had found his own little companion. Garett looked at him for a second, taking in every feature of Gwaine’s his young eyes could detect. </p><p>“Are you a knight?” Garett said, after a few minutes of his observing. </p><p>Gwaine chuckled, “Nope. I’m not.” </p><p>“Huh,” was all the young boy could say, his head cocked, looking again at Gwaine. </p><p>“I have a wooden sword,” Garett declared proudly. </p><p>Gwaine laughed again, “Do you? Do you know how to use it?” </p><p>Garett nodded, “My uncle Leon is teaching me. And my mama.” </p><p>“Well, I’m better than your mama ever was at sword fighting.” Gwaine couldn’t help but boast. He wasn’t even lying to him. </p><p>The boy’s eyes grew wide. “Better than mama?? But she trains all the knights! Are you a knight?” </p><p>“I’m not, but your mother and I have fought before. And I won every time.” Gwaine grinned. </p><p>“That is not exactly true,” Arina interjected, getting over her need to stay silent. “I’ve won before.” </p><p>“You certainly did not, your majesty. I technically beat you at the tournament. I saved your life actually.” </p><p>“I- I mean, I suppose that’s true.” She huffed softly, the indigent look on her face very similar to the faces her children make regularly. </p><p>“It’s definitely true. Your mother just doesn’t like to admit when she’s beaten.” Gwaine’s smug smile was plastered on his face. Garett looked at him with adoring eyes. </p><p>“Will you teach me??” He asked, a pleasing look in his eyes. </p><p>Gwaine opened his mouth to respond, but looked to Merlin. He didn’t know how long they were staying here. He couldn’t agree to something if Merlin wanted to leave tomorrow. </p><p>“I’ll see, kiddo. But I’m sure I could teach you some tricks.” Gwaine ruffled Garett’s hair, the boy beaming happily. </p><p> </p><p>“I got magic too,” Freya was continuing to tell Merlin, “Sonetimes, I can make scrolls come to me.” </p><p>This revelation pulled Merlin deep out of her thoughts again. </p><p>“You have magic?” Merlin glanced from the child before her to Arina, who was paying more attention to Gwaine and Garett’s conversation. </p><p>Freya nodded, “Uh-huh, duh druids teach me tricks sonetimes. I can make sparkles!” Freya scrunched up here face in concentration, grinning proudly as a few sparkles left her fingers. “I did it!” </p><p>Merlin was still looking at her, amazed, “You did, yes. You were born with magic?” </p><p>“Dat what mama say. She say I got a spetcial talents.” </p><p>The connection Merlin already felt with Freya grew stronger in that moment. Not only was the child named after her, but she was born with magic as well. Very few people had been born with it, Merlin herself being the most powerful. She never dreamed that Arina’s own daughter would be born with it and that Arina would allow her to learn from druids. </p><p>Arina had been watching both of her children interacting with her old friends. She was happy to see everyone interacting so happily together. It was goi even better than she imagined as well. She always knew that Freya would love Merlin and that Garett would love Gwaine. But to see it happen made her heart swell. Her happiness seemed to override her fear and nervousness of seeing Merlin. Arina found herself walking towards Merlin, her hand in her pocket gently stroking all the letters she written to her dear friend for so long. They would finally reach their intended recipient. </p><p>“Merlin? Could I possibly speak to you in private for a moment?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>merlin found her mom, yay! and met arina’s kids! but what will arina want to talk to her about and will merlin even like the letters?? </p><p>stay tuned!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Merlin followed Arina out into the hallway, failing to come up with a reason why she couldn’t speak to the princess in private. She could see Arina holding something that looked like it was a book or a stack of paper, whatever that was Merlin wasn’t sure she wanted to know. She had decided to become emotionally unavailable towards the princess. She wasn’t sure how much more she could handle, in all honesty. Merlin was almost lost in her thoughts once more, when she realized how nervous Arina appeared.</p><p> The queen was pacing slightly, her finger quickly running along the seams of the paper she was holding. Her pacing paused slightly from time to time, as if she had mustered up the courage to say what she wanted to but not quite. </p><p>Arina cleared her throat a final time, stopping in front of her old friend. “Merlin,” she started, unable to actually meet Merlin’s eyes. “After you left, I wrote to you and sent it to Ealdor. I was attempting to reach out to you, to make sure you were safe. I never got a reply because you obviously weren’t in Ealdor, but I suppose I was stubborn and it never occurred to me that you wouldn’t wish to speak to me. So I continued to write to you and to search for you. When I finally went to Ealdor to find you, that’s when I met your mother. She gave me all the letters I sent back. I brought them home, continued to write to you, and kept them all.” Arina took a deep breath, finally being able to meet Merlin’s eyes. “I kept them to eventually give to you one day. Now that you’re finally back, I can give them to you.” Arina held out the stack of letters, her hands shaking. </p><p>Merlin stared at them for a second, before taking them, stroking them in a similar pattern that Arina had. </p><p>Arina took Merlin’s silence as disapproval, her nerves resurfacing as she headed back toward Hunith’s room “You’re under no obligation to read them. Just the idea that you’ve finally got them is comforting,” She turned back to Merlin, “Please just know I never hated you. I’ve never been more glad to see anyone come back to Camelot.” Arina gave Merlin the biggest smile she could muster before heading back to her children, leaving Merlin shocked in the hallway. </p><p>Merlin had no idea that the predominant emotions of this trip would be shock, fear, and jealousy. But those emotions had hardly left her in the short time she had been back on Camelot’s soil. She stared down at the letters in her hand. There were so many, she never had thought Arina would have so much to say to her. Merlin had always assumed Arina hated her deep down, she never thought she could have loved her. In such a short time, her perception of Arina’s emotions had changed so quickly.</p><p>She heard the door open, a soft familiar voice calling to her. </p><p>“Merlin?” Gwaine called, moving to his wife’s side, “Is everything alright, darling?” </p><p>Merlin sighed softly, looking up at the wonderful man in front of her. “Yes, I think so. I think..” </p><p>Gwaine raised an eyebrow, nodding down at what Merlin was holding, “What’s that?” </p><p>“Arina just gave these to me. They’re letters.” </p><p>“Letters? To you?” </p><p>Merlin nodded, “She’s been writing them since I left apparently.” Her voice barely raised above a whisper, gently stroking the paper again. There seemed to be a sanctity to the objects she was holding and she didn’t wish to disturb that. </p><p>“Are you going to read them?” Gwaine matched his voice to hers, gently stroking her shoulder. </p><p>“I’m not even sure if I have the strength too.” Merlin laughed softly, tears choking her up. </p><p>“Maybe you should rest then, love. We’ve travelled far and have had a busy day.” </p><p>Merlin nodded, sighing “Yes, rest sounds good.” </p><p> </p><p>The pair made their way back into Hunith’s room. It was quieter than when they had left it as the royal family seemed to have left. Merlin’s mother turned her attention to her daughter as soon as they walked into the room, the concern obvious on her face. </p><p>“Tired, my darling?” She said, putting her cup of tea down. </p><p>Merlin nodded, but Gwaine spoke for her. “I think she’s just tired from the long journey. Is there a place she can rest?” </p><p>Hunith nodded, “Oh yes, I have a guest room set up for you. Through that door there.” </p><p>“Thank you, Hunith,” Gwaine led Merlin toward the door, his protective nature showing itself. </p><p>Once in the guest room, Gwaine led Merlin to the bed, gently pushing her down to sit. He worked to fix the bed how he knew she liked it, while she sat, still processing everything. </p><p>Gwaine sat behind her, placing his chin on her shoulder and wrapping his arms around her. “Everything alright in there?” </p><p>Merlin passively nodded. She wasn’t sure though. She wasn’t sure about anything. Before they had arrived, she knew a few things. One, Gwiane loved her. Two, they were going to have a child in a few months. Three, she wanted to see Gaius and her mother again. And four, she never wanted to see Arina Pendragon again because Arina hated her. But now, she was so sure about the last one. It seemed as though she was one of the most important people in Arina’s life, even though she hadn’t been there at all. She wasn’t sure what to do with that new revelation. She wasn’t sure if she was worthy of it or if it was all some big trick. The level of uncertainty was so strong, she felt as if she was drowning in it. The only thing grounding her was Gwaine’s strong presence. </p><p>“Will you read them to me?” Merlin said, after minutes of silence. “I don’t think I can do it..” </p><p>“Yeah, of course.” Gwaine grabbed the letters from where Merlin had put them down. The couple changed positions, getting more comfortable as this seemed it would take awhile, based on how thick the stack was. They settled with Gwaine leaning against the headboard and Merlin’s head in his lap, his hand stroking her hair gently. </p><p>He carefully opened what seemed to be the first letter, “My dearest Merlin,” He started. </p><p> </p><p>Gwaine carefully read each letter as Merlin listened, her stream of tears never slowing. </p><p>He gently folded the last one, placing it back on the pile. Gwaine wasn’t sure what to say. </p><p>Merlin’s constant silence while he was reading was broken by a shuddering sob leaving her. “I had no idea..” </p><p>“None of us did, love.” Gwaine stroked her hair gently, “I wouldn’t have believed it if I didn’t read all those myself. I suppose she’s not the arrogant princess anymore.” </p><p>Merlin shook her head, “I suppose not. She never was that arrogant. Only around you because she wanted to beat you.” Merlin nuzzled her head into him gently, longing for the comfort he gave her. </p><p>“See, you knew her best. You always have.” </p><p>“But I left..” Merlin could feel the guilt rise up in her. She thought Arina didn’t care and it was so much simpler when she did. Now she just felt guilty for leaving. Merlin had left and Arina had no one left. Her father died, her new brother left, the only man she loved left. Merlin’s departure appeared to be the start of a long line of unfortunate events that happened in Arina’s life. </p><p>Merlin often felt as if she could do more. It was the burden of her knowing her destiny early in her life. She had been told she was there to look after the once and future queen. But when she tried to do that, she was banished. She was banished and couldn’t look after her friend. They were both forced to abandon each other. What could have happened in those lost years? So much could have happened. So many bitter feelings could have been avoided. Yet here they both were, back together again. </p><p>The two women were back together again but the time away had changed both of them. They both grew, but separately. Perhaps they weren’t as cohesive as they once were, but now they were together again, they could once more grow in the same light.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>merlin finally got the letters! will it change her mind and make her stay tho? </p><p>we’ll see! </p><p>as always let me know what you think!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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